"Have A Good Night"

I first met fear when I was
too young to speak her name.
She sneaked up on me
down by the railroad tracks
with two boys whose
names sounded like.
a bouncing ball.

My brother spared my life
with promises not to tell,
she won't tell, I won't tell.
not anyone, not ever.
We never did.

She stayed away after that
until, lost by a new address,
I staggered on the busy avenue
wondering which doorway
hid my mother.

She came late the night Daddy
chased Mommy down the street
fireplace poker in hand,
his florid face streaming with sweat.
My brother called to her out of the darkness
to protect me.

Soon, she was a childhood friend,
a Cassandra by my side,
who steered me away from the park,
my tennis racket in hand, away
from the friendly man with the white
cheeks and pink lips.

Late at night she woke me,
her pale hands clutching
my shoulders, tearing me away
from the green witch still cack-
ling in my dream.

She followed me to school and
turned me around, wrapping me in her
cloak of solitude. We ate bologna
sandwiches and watched other lives
unfold as we huddled together
on the daybed.

She teased me in the darkness
outside my mother's window
as I stole kisses
from a boy who
gave them away.

Soon, she would save me
with her whispering caution
as I hitchhiked on highways
and country roads, or walked
home on dark streets,
feigning madness.

She taught me rituals guaranteed
to spare my loved ones harm.
"Have a good night,"
was a coded message to
the gods. Protect him, it
said, and they did.

There wasn't time to find her
the night the young man pulled
his secret weapon, demanding
our attention and our rings.
As we bargained

For our lives, she slipped in
behind me, showed me
how to hide my skin and breathe
soundlessly, while others
were singled out for
brutality.

She taught me well
and by the time I had
my own children
I thought she had left to
teach another.

But when the jet roared
above me, I felt her
lift me up and move me
even as my heart dropped
and my blood froze.

Now I know she will never leave me.
She is my protector, my friend,
my solace in unimaginable times.
Now, when I see her, I smile
and wave. "Have a
good night," I say.